Love Test

Where to Find Love
(Part Five)


FOR young people whose names are often made giddy in love. Because, perhaps because so "can not stand" the love that is often seen throwing a tantrum. There Indonesian proverb which says "jinak-jinak merpati (pigeons)" near the eyes, out of mind, if left to go as close to, if approached in justri stay away, seems to play hard. Is this a one-sided love, or love Belak getting a response both parties. Do not know, confused right?

Therefore, to answer the distress the heart of many questions is there any love between us. Here there is a quiz that contains five questions from Charlie W. Shedd, in his book "How to Know if You're Really in Love" which has been summarized in a Reader's Digest (June 1982)
Certainly will be helpful, at least as consideration for an unmarried, about the perspective that marriage would have lived seeds that allows to grow with in the long term. Whereas those who are already married, to be used as material for consideration to cultivate their love.

First, the test for independence (The Liberty Test)
The first question is addressed to know whether we support each other to participate in the activities themselves are uncertain, to have friends with us separately, and to feel free as individuals?
Location of the greatness of the spirit of love is to 'create a space for freedom'. Obviously a good marriage provides an opportunity for both parties to develop a healthy self-reliance (a healty independence). There is no compulsion to follow the trend of each. "Cooking from the beginning until now, so , no changed too?" He said.
Couples who learn to be wise to have business-minded: "I marry, not to change , so like myself." But a conviction that each either alone or together / together can live in a breath as Kahlil Gibran katakana : "Let us have unity in the distance.." More importantly, "By marriage let us together to worship the divine blessing."

Second, self-absorbed test (The UnselffishnessTest)
Did a lot of positive things we support each other, not on the basis of ego (dominance) in our own respective parties. In a good marriage, mental maturity is not what would you do for me?, But what can I do for you. Love is not selfish-minded, "I love you because you, like you know what it is," That statement may be disclosed either orally or deed.

Third, the test sorry excuse (The mercy-Apology Test)
Do we refrain from criticizing the excessive towards our spouse. And if the greatness of our hearts are willing to admit our mistakes. "Forgive me, I'm sorry, I have been guilty." This case was in an effort to get to awetnya love. The art of apology is something simple, that is how we recognize the mistakes, regrets and submitted to apologize. Pure love that demands a great test to forgive each other.

Fourth, a test of sex (The Sex Test)
This test is most sensitive. Are we sensitive to the needs of our partner's sex. Ideal expectations about things from two different sexes can not be expected theoretical-to be exact. Therefore, a compromise is needed or the understanding. Then the necessary negotiations desired things to talk about harmony and a sense of peace that terinti (inner peace).

Fifth, the test about finance (The Money Test)
Art manages the finances of the family variety, can be simultaneously (a common phylosophy) or managed by consensus. Money can be used for pemeratu family, or could be a source of conflict. Do we agree in interpreting financial success. Etc.

If the five point test above, we can agree "no problem", we can conclude that we are in the flow towards a mature relationship of husband and wife. However, if there are still some questions that there is no agreement, would need attention or in the process of understanding each one specifically.

Nevertheless whatever the outcome, would need to be respected because we have made an effort in earnest. Then we resignation to Allah SWT (Sahih International) :
He said :"... And when you have decided, rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely (UponHim)"(QS. Ali Imran: 159) ....Tafsir al-Jalalayn .... And when you are resolved to carry out what you with after councel; for God loves those who rely, onHim.

And Allaah knows best.
(A.Kuspriyanto/2010)